1. 2. red. blue.

2004-04-13, 2:45 p.m.

here i am, still sore from digging, speeding up the erosion of the earth in some small sense, and i am trying to remain stoic. i am trying to comfort that sadness that comes from denying sudden leaps into unknown territory, all the while i am staring at the phone while its rhythmic whining subtly synchronizes with a cawing crow outside.

the urge is a flow, like the tides, or the expolsion of gas from a star, and i am caught under water, washed into the brine, breathing deeply with the urge to leave my body and find a new place to live for a while. just then, the wave crashes on me, reminding me of the times this happened before, and how they became people i used to know, members of a group i never see anymore.

i cant hide behind the mask of math, contorting numbers to make little bits of me feel better.

i cant drown a real moment in rhetoric, because my actions are wasted on describing what i feel.

---the wonders of a mind---freud would be pleased---i need not please someone who is dead before i help myself first---