silver coated garden outside my window

2005-02-26, 12:37 p.m.

this man comes to my door every so often, and he always wear the same blue suit. i can see him walk up to my door,i can hear the penny loafers click clacking on the cement walkway as hi zig zags up to the porch. we both know i dont want what he sells, but the one thing i do buy is unintended. he will always leave me with a shallow heart, after i close the door and walk back to my chair there is a continual sigh that lasts untill im sure his car is gone.

there are all these boxes around my feet, some reaching up to my knees; they gather around like moss to a moistened redwood tree. i can see the bits of family photos creeping out of the frayed edges, you are a reminder to the white house i used to visit. i pick a large picture from the mess below, my feet are still rooted deep below the linoleum floor. this is a beach, a canvas half finished; i have paintbrushes strewn across the hallway now. im wondering where the rich reds flow from, when i mix such a bizare party of cadmiums and earth tones on the heel of a crescent moon.

can i come back to the street where i dropped her off, and she said i had to wait for her to come back? this time i will find a shady spot under an oak tree, and i will read my book in a meditative calm. this time it will be less fervent, and the road will not fall away under my dropping eyelids.

that is the past recollection, the predetermined life of a exotic tool, one who has no intrinsic value but for the advancement of endangered species'.

i could live in an attic as a whitewashed christmas decoration. the star that requires the electric rain dance to flow through its skin, ill cast a yellow palor that reminds the sidewalk pedestrians of sleepy sunday mornings and ceramic mugs pregnant with fresh brewed coffee.

when the engine fades from the sentient environment, i return to my wanderlust lifestyle, a constant juxstaposition of desire and denial, and all i can say is it feels like something beautiful gets caught in my throat every time i stumble out of bed.