will i be upside down tomorrow morning or is this the static state #2

2004-08-12, 11:41 p.m.

my hand forms a perfect mold, tucking under my jawbone, this is a wonderful reminder of too many things. i could be held up under the light outside my window, it pours down onto the fence like water from a shower and i cant stop shivering. no, not too cold, and no, not too distraught... this mind could trick a gypsy into playing ring toss.

yes.. modest compostions created in a machine, facsimlie hearts still warm with the copier light. paste me up onto the wall, i will leak black ink and i will rip into the white paper with perfect lines that hug the walls of each vein. vericose vision, blurry now and still blue from the tinge of herione

floating on the wet glass of my iris. i want to be the lines that move clumsily away from pitch black into the dirty white pastures that skims eyeliner and eyelash. this lake contains just one boat, filled with jade, filled with visions of a jaded soul, that person who keeps tripping when he turns a new corner.

its hard to be a human being, because right now im not sure what to do, how to spill out my beetles and jagged spiders. do i smile? do i simmer in the flame of depression (oh please pump me with your pills, i would love to be that silly ball who jumps around, chasing butterflies without a care in the world)? stiocism? transcendenalism? do i find the answer key behind the index? or should i fall into a slumber that removes the harsh edges and replaces them with cusioned bumpers so i dont bleed too much. there is my defnese, and that is where i live the least these days.

one thing is true, i feel like a newly dredged lake, with turbullent water that reaks of decomposing fish and dirty emotion that hasnt been touched in quite some time. there are always things to be happy for, thats what all the people my age will say 30 years from now.