"no more waiting to die... huh"

2004-06-30, 1:58 a.m.

the sights of tonight, they are the views which the dead see. they are the paintings that are framed by the grimmy bus windows in santa rosa, where the dead fill up each 'empty' transit. here is the moon, rapping at my front door, beckoning me out to watch its play; a story of love and loss with low flying clouds as a stage mate.

then i am driving (away from the moon right now) and i can see a slit in the clouds, where the sky is the exact color of the dark grey sand of the state beach outside Bodega, just after high tide has swept away all the remnants of humanity. i am winding my way up the road, to familiar turns and absesses in the hills that suck in the light like gaping cavities. i am looking into the yellow signs that reflect my red lights, literally soaking in each REAL piece of being around me.

you see, i lack that reality right now, because i see the illusions of electrons as my table to eat upon, and where i communicate with the world at dinner time. -i know it's not real-

-i know it hurts too much to think of what really is real-

-i know it's the only screen i can never turn off, and i can never restore or scan, or walk away from, so what is there o be scared about-