"you lazy fawk!" - Nick

2004-06-28, 12:09 p.m.

there is this spot at the bottom of my belly button that aches sometimes. i often wonder if the belly is aching from a past memory of that appendage that connected me to life, and it wishes to forget the phantom limb that dilutes all other thoughts.

yes, i did wake up after my dreams, dazed by what i saw. i saw a room of miniature plastic christmas trees, silver flames of tinsel burning away the green needles. spots of red make the room glow with a faint aura, i cant look away from the las vegas lights of christmas.

nowadays i look up at the moon, and i refrain from describing the scene, i have already done that many times, writing stories and creating people. maybe its that i am somewhere new now, somewhere that has been spliced up and made into a world that is free of humanity.

this is where i apologize to the people who were cut out, whether they miss me or not; whether they read this or not. i have to say im sorry, because i really am, but the motions of time mixed with mounting levels of disheveled living do not make the return an easy thing. perhaps it cant be understood, what i am saying is just as riddled as when i was 7... or 17.