C-

2004-03-08, 11:42 p.m.

its funny, the dialogue that continues when you get blindsided, let down by something you depend on. at first i want place the balme solely on myself, take a stance and push back as hard as i can. slowly, the cracks are revealed and seeping through them is the odor of indifference. i have to play chess, and i have to set up the few remaining blocks of self confidence back up again, because im making another realization as i work on my psyche with wooden tools and mocking gestures hiding my wants and needs.

zen moments, where you are standing alone, but fully attached to the ground and all the smells and sounds and sights and noises.

its ok, i guess, to have problems with myself, just to know i could come to some resolution, and that it doenst have to be tonight, or tomorrow either.