one more reason

2003--27, 8:03 p.m.

i laid down and i saw the snow falling in a window, not my window, or any windor that i had ever seen; just a white window. i saw drifts of white caressing the charcoal bark of soaking wet maple trees, naked and shaking in the freezing dance of winter. into the drifts, seperating them until i was looking at just one flake, then i was looking into the flake. the canyons that shined, and the crystalline walls, sucking in their chests of ice, exposing ribs and shadow.

wasn't sure where i was going, just that i needed to see something in it, some new word or sight, hold it like a locket with pictures that have long since faded but remain beautiful. into the cracks, tentative, because this was unsure, the footing already starting to give way. deeper, past whisps of knowledge, captured by simple force, freight train of understanding, and i want the smoke to suffocate everything i knew, fill me up again.

i saw a drop, and i saw nothing, but i could feel it, with my mouth no longer abiding my will, uttering something archaic and primal. urging me, ravaging my fear, thrusting knifes right into my ego. a dot, a point in space, i was coming closer, now my back was arching, the music climaxing with a fervor, and burning on my skin, the sight of everything i have ever felt.

i could only describe it as silence, wrapped in perfect motion, unaided by conscience, but innately genius. this is the prodigy, born every moment that could be smashed into a nanosecond. this is the writing on the wall that make you weap because you cannot comprehend the beauty. the clairvoyance of a street preacher, atop his wooden crate, freeing his mind in the divine light that resides within. this is the divine light, which doesnt shine at all.

i dont believe in god because what i saw was the entire universe; a few forces and suggestions of matter, composed of the faintest specks of dust falling into a black hole.

that was one of the scarriest and most beautiful things, and im not sure if it makes me crazy.