'polls suggest a double-digit lead for bush'

2004-09-05, 3:09 a.m.

so tired, but i cannot go to sleep, not with the optical thoughts i carry tonight. not with the subtle movements she carries, and not with the sudden rushes of air between my toes, prickling my spine to despairing desire.

good to have friends around, just to see the people you want to see, and they dont ask much if i wear a face that suggests mild improvement. i still havent collided with the real movements that i had for 19 years. i still havent found them dirtying my skin, making my palms sweat from utilitarian kinetics. i want to be there, under the tree of normalcy, where FDR pleaded with the gods for hasty progress. under the same tree as siddhartha, who soaked in the surroundings as a young student would absorb the alphabet.

awesome in nature, so vast and complex that we are inevitably caught in its current, the flow of everyday life has one penetrating truth: we walk through the day with a blindfold, drawn tight by the involuntary actions of a million countless brain activities. without this fold, we see things broken apart like a matrix of complex numbers -this is walking across concrete, avoiding other people to avoid even more conflict- and ... that falling forward is imagined.

that falling forward brings me back, into my head, where physical pain plays chess with the all-too-comical dialogues of love. this is the comedy of errors, acted out on a stage of broken bone, and the actors are complaining of splinters in their feet; the blood soaked walls of my cerebrum are clouding my eyes.