4:33

2004-04-23, 4:27 a.m.

why am i up, when even the earthworms can be heard crunching through the pitch black soil of night. i cant seem to say what i want, nor when i want, so i find a self-depricating phrase coined by some village idiot during the depression, and i feel content with my judgement. there i am, creating a state that i loathe, and irony seeps through this whole situation like a rumor sneaks through a classroom. this is a state i create and it is one that i abhore, to be content with any way of living is admitting to your helplessness.

what is helplessness if you have never learned the word, or felt the way it gums up the gears of a mind and stalls the progress of thought (oh how scary to try and change)