that was a year ago, yes?

2004-03-29, 9:46 p.m.

walking out into the night, ready to drive away on the miles of yellow and black, i looked up into the sky on year ago, at about this time. the stars were white light, monumentally large like the flood lights i played baseball under when i was 10. i was cast out into the distance that we shared, and the heat, like that i felt as a child on the in the school playground, began sliding up my throat. those inhibitions to let go dissolved into solid black space and i felt a torrent of fear and awareness flow into my cheeks. that was the last time i accepted the dirty truths we had created as acceptable, and now i have hurt myself again, metaphorically, to see if i could still feel infatuation.