why do i write at 3 am...

2003-01-19, 3:14 a.m.

it starts as feeling in your upper sotmach, like a moth pushing into a light, exerting its life into the glowing yellow. your first reaction is, like with many things, not neglecting the emotions that pass through us daily, to shove it away, out of sight and out of mind. that is where the patterns change or rupture, spilling into the cracks that lead into the floorboards. reversal, in utero, nothing compares to a slight hallucination at night, because you have accepted it all as true. each little thought is true, and irrefutable.

there is now a way to twist and turn in the sentence structure, that shows you all the ways you will be wrong and right. for now, you get dizzy when you find things are not what you expected (money is nothing, especially when you dont think about it, i like that). so it was a year, and i should have seen that coming, ill smile for now.