2:30 and i just woke up

2003-01-07, 2:47 p.m.

retention, the way wet ground feels when you walk, your feet want to slide into the earth, but you feel momentum like a chain around your neck. that is fluidity, that is realizing you have been completely silent for an hour; the only thing you want is to preserve it, continue the silence, by wishing there were music. by yourself, there is a music to 3 pm, its the dulldrum clouds which create a gray pallor, and the way exposed skin burns cold, that is a silent sonata.

the irregularity, instead of choosing sleep, you choose 5 am thoughts. there you see the crystal clear visions that are supposed signals of fatigue. no, not fatigue, but immediate reminders of your being fire off into the air, you cant do anything to distrct yourself, so inside your head becomes music; silent music of 3 pm. and when you do think, when you do talk to yourself, there is an echo, as if you are sitting in a tunnel. there, in that tunnel, you search for some discreet form, a person to respond in an unknown way. the walls, they crumble away, stones like a landslide, evaporating ito nothing, clearing into a midnight meadow of gold grass shining with deep purple shadow. lay there, lay down and sink into the earth with your body, there you find sleep.