i ask him, in my head, the silence reverberates

2003-09-23, 10:54 p.m.

is it you there? could you tell me something, i need to know... alright, you cant tell me, but i wish someone could. lay down on the floor and see the people around you, analagous in form and color, but tall like the roman pillars. we could have talked for hours about what's in your head, because there sure is something exclusive.

and the waters reflect house lights, lives of strangers smeared on the blackboard, expressed as complex equations that i could never figure out. slowly moving, the blackboard gives way to concrete and prisoner trees, street lights and chain linked fences. each area seems to have been pounded out by the metal foot of some giant, prints of his shoes make for beautiful workspaces; not to say they are maggets, but they have been given rotten flesh to chew on.

first sounds, long lost dream worn on camaflouge sleeves, weighted signs waiting to break. i heard the man's sermon hear, it must have been 30 years ago, but the words are pungeont like the smell of urine on this sidestreet. he told us the lands would be given cancer by the morally blind. he said they could even change the heavens, and he said they would name your lost sons and daughters after long number-letter sets their computers spit out; they became a can for spit suffucated by chew. when people walked by, forcing themselves not to glare, this man told us that life would be just as beautiful as we had ever known, it was a constant that no institution could buy, no leader could ammend, no injury or death could hinder.

it does boil down to three possibilities (i have to tell myself, because it could be forgotten much to easily). moments could be constant sorrow, constant neutrality, or constant beauty. i side with the latter, seeing that no person could prove me wrong, not through my eyes. not to say that you aren't given exams you didnt prepare for, not to say you aren't given tests for classes you never enrolled in. that is true, blunt exlosions on your skin could make you never want daylight again, but the setup of the human trial becomes apparent when you least expect it; experience ==> reaction. with that, you can excercise yourself, your mind, as fully as possible, knowing it is just a test.