but it's the way i feel right now

2002-12-16, 1:04 p.m.

power goes on, power goes off. i missed the blinking screen. if you wrote, i missed it. power goes on, power goes off. im sorry i didnt call ali, im sorry, i guess things do change. power goes on, power goes off. im sitting on this eruption, im waiting for the break. im waiting to explode and i am waiting for nothing and everything. like mr. gabriel said last night, "many of us will stop and see where we are, or where we are going. it's like we are driving and all we see is exaclty whats in fornt of us. we dont see the things above us and the things below us".

i am sitting here wedged between summer crickets and winter rain. i am the lines we write on and i am the breath you take before you speak. i am sore and in need of a massage, but i feel like i am just a ghost and the rain passes right through me.

dear oh dear alice (ha and thanks dear charles) for thou:

when midnight mists are creeping

and all the land is sleeping,

around me tread the mighty dead,

and slowly pass away.

lo, warriors, saints, and sages,

from out the vanished ages,

with solemn pace and reverend face

appear and pass away.

the blaze of noonday splendour,

the twilight soft and tender,

may charm the eye: yet they shall die,

shall die and pass away.

but here, in dreamland's centre,

no spoiler's hand may enter,

these visions fair, this radience rare,

shall never pass away.

i see the shadows falling,

the forms of old recalling;

around me tred the mighty dead,

and slowly pass away

-L.C

and off to this world i am going,

looking with these swollen eyes,

with this music the dreams are growing,

i am searching for this days demise.

-my blech i suppose (but i try)